>On Mar 22, 10:16 am, "saulgoode" wrote:
>>
>> Now you gotta ask yourself: Is this woman going to give you a better divorce
>> than she did a marriage?
>
>Hi Saul,
>Thank you for your response and perspective. You really posed an
>excellent question and it's one of those questions I have been
>pondering a lot. I just don't know. I think she has the potential
>to. Then again, since I'm dealing with a bipolar person she might
>look to completely ruin me just because she's in the mood to do so.
>If a divorce were to happen my wants would be minimal. I really just
>want my clothes, one of my cats, the van I already pay for, and 50:50
>custody of the children. She could have everything
>else....literally....and if we sold the house she could have all the money
>made from it. Possessions don't matter to me much. The only thing I
>would not want to pay is alimony. In my mind I think those conditions
>would be fair.
>

Don't kid yourself. The divorce courts will almost never close the door on a woman's "right" to collect alimony. 99% chance you WILL be paying it, so get it outta your head right now that you wont!

In terms of negotiations, you need to be way less naive. There is a reason that "russian" tactics are used - THEY WORK!

You NEVER make your first offer for what you want. On the first round YOU WANT IT ALL. Then you relent and "appear" to "settle" for some middle ground. It would irk the hell out of your ex if she knew that she "settled" with you for what you really wanted! But if the thinks she took something off of you to make you suffer, then she will feel good about that and will likley readily agree to it.

I notice the same tactics in grocery stores. A box of cereal - say Corn Flakes - is $2.79 this week, but it is not selling. NEXT week, it priced at $3.79 - but "special this week only 20% off!" and they are flying off the shelves like there is no tomorrow. For those of you bad at math, $3.79 - 20% is $3.03!!! So the grocery store is making 8.6% MORE than last week, and making everyone feel good about paying them the extra money!

There is a psychology to it. IF you go into the divorce process, then you must realize that it is a legal matter. And if I learned ANYTHING in legal situations over the years - you NEVER, and I repeat NEVER, concede to or aquiess to ANYTHING. You have no idea how quickly your neck will go into a noose and your ass into a sling if you do! Trust me on this.

In divorce, the best you can hope for is to have PRIMARY PHYSICAL CUSTODY of the children. If you are lucky, then the child support she would owe you will cancel out the alimony you would owe her! You let her have custody of the children, and baby you better get used to grabbing your ankles and liking it.

The divorce courts are, in general, heavily biased againse men. You best wake up and smell the coffee. For background read this:

http://www.mensnewsdaily.com/archive/j/jensen/2004/jensen010504.htm

hth

>All of this said I think if my wife were able to give me a better
>divorce then she should, and I should, be able to work together to
>give ourselves a better marriage.
>
>Living with a bipolar person can be hard.
>