> I'm concerned that SD's mother might have just listed herself and her
> boyfriend as emergency contacts at the school, so I'm concerned that the
> boyfriend even if reached wouldn't be able to give approval for emergencies
> so he wouldn't be a reasonable alternate for SD's mother.

Let's say the child is in a horrible playground accident and is rushed to the ER, and needs immediate surgery; they've gotten hold of the boyfriend but not the mother. (a) is the hospital going to put their legal team on the case to determine whether this guy is, in fact, a valid common-law step-parent with legal rights? (b) are they going to hold up the surgery because he isn't?

If that, indeed, is your concern--that the child will be in some sort of medical emergency and fail to receive adequate care because there's no parent/legal guardian available to authorize it--I think it is unfounded.

When I was a single parent, I had my next-door neighbor as the emergency contact, for god's sake. Most "emergencies" with the schools are things like "come pick up the child, she's puking in the hallway." As long as the person is on the list of individuals approved to pick up the child, they're not going to care WHO it is!